you can do it.

I recently decided, in one of my inspirational moments ‘ENOUGH OF THIS LAZINESS’! Let’s do something worthwhile and learn something new. Lying about staring into space would only make Jill a dull girl (if she wasn’t already!) So I started giving myself a motivated pep-talk (yeah, told you i was weird. Usually do it when no one’s around, though. Wouldn’t want to end up in an asylum). So anyways(i digress like crazy, don’t i?!) i went on in this vein:
‘YOU can do anything you want girl. It’s all in the MOTIVATION. It’s in YOU.’
Can you learn to cook? Off cooooouuuurrrrrrsseeeee! What’s there to it? Get a ready-to-eat sachet of your favourite meal. So there. Enjoy. Ah, these modern times. But do learn how to switch on the stove. Wouldn’t want to burn down the house.
Can you learn to talk philosophy? Off cooouuuuuurrrrrrrrssssssseeee! What’s there to it? You just throw in some weird sounding words and nod along with what the old man is saying. Yes, yes. What a theory he gave. And don’t forget to learn the big names. Wouldn’t want to baffle people by talking about what a great philosopher Einstein was, would we?
Can you learn to become the ‘classy’ madame? offff cooooouuuuurrrrrrssssssseeeee! (yeah you know, ‘what’s there to it?’) Just get satin material, bully your tailor into transforming the thing in to a sheath like gown. Put a false tag-Vera Wang? Ah, faux pas! No one would fall for that. Its’ India after all. Rocky S would do. Or maybe Manish malhotra. Whichever you can spell. Crash an elite party, check ‘em out in the newspaper. Most resourceful. And end up there with a bribed friend and dazzle everyone with your wit. Don’t forget to find a fake profession for yourself. Need a good conversation starting topic anyways................Exotic once like maybe a Bartender could help.............and, yes, do try to flaunt the tag on your dress. Another piece of good conversation.
So basically, during this long and fantasy pep-talk, I forgot the purpose behind it. I lay there talking to myself, and mum suddenly came up to me and asked “ what are you yapping about? I hear an offfffff courssssseeeeee every few seconds? You alright?”
I smiled apologetically. “Sorry mum. Actually it’s a class project. Our teacher has asked us to pronounce all the fricative sounds and write down where they have been articulated.”
Mum looked at me like I had two-heads. Mumbled something unintelligible and went away, grumbling. The thing with studying a subject no one has heard of is, you can invent great excuses...................!
So Can you fool people into believing you? Offffffff cooouuuuuuuurrrrrrssssssssse! (this time i lowered my voice an octave). Just sound aggressive, throw in some jargon which no one has heard of(make it up. Always works) and go on and on until your victim gets bored and walks away grumbling! ;)


Asmi's Journal said...

:DDD omg lol what an awesome, amazing funny hilarious awesome post!!!! Your posts are timeless and you should so write a book and win a big fancy prize for it!

can you make people laugh their heads off? Offff coouuurrrssssssse! ;)

thanks for the tips on philosophy >_>

and your new blog background is soooo nice! <333

Salam XD

CooL MuslimaH said...

Assalamualaikum mate....

good one yaar...nice satire on elite class snobbery...

did u talk aloud??hmm(i doubt so..)

@fricative sound- nice mam will b happy to know practising phonetic sounds in free time..

And another reader-Asmi...welcome sistah!!

Good style!Keep it up..and pray i may get time to update my (sniff) blog..

And yeah the above comment by ambareen was my mistake..
take care-

ambareen said...

@Asmi: wow, a big thank u, pal. It feels so gud 2 b appreciated by u!
Haha. "Can you...Off?" lol. Gud 1. Inshallah, hope i write a buk. Ameen
@cool muslimah: thanx, SP. Love ya. U have the tym 2 update ur blog, u jst dnt use it! :P
kp praising me, u'l gt ur bribe soon! ;)

arshat.chaudhary said...

hehehe.. nice style of writing.. ofcourseeeee said...

Now now, be good to mum. Lying is a bad habit. =P

ambareen said...

@Arshat: thank u!
@SirAdib: lol... U r ryt thou. Wil tel her the truth but can't make her angry, who'l cook 4 me then! :P

Aamir H.Khan said...

HEY...i think this on of the more hilarious one of ur Posts... yah, there is never a better sedative than talking out aloud..& when ur gushing out aloud on and someone drops there,.there is vague pain u experience in ur stomach, what was i trying to do,.and we tend cover stupid lie, the best one is that we pic up something n start reading... but really as u said, there is nothing like a one on one pep talk with urself..

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